Why the Second Date is the Best Time for a First Kiss

Wondering on what date you should first kiss?

Here’s why you should kiss on the second date — not the first date and not the third date, but precisely the second date.

If you’ve seen any romantic comedy, you've likely seen a classic scene where two leading characters share their first kiss in a moment of perfect chemistry. But when it comes to real-life dating, effortlessly magic moments aren’t the norm.

For starters, a big question to figure out is when to have that first kiss. First kisses don’t usually just happen naturally; one person has to initiate it intentionally.

In our research surveying people on their dating experiences, we have found that most people view the second date as the ideal time for a first kiss.

No matter what romantic comedies tell you, kissing on the first date just isn’t ideal in the real world.

There are good reasons why a second date kiss is so much more ideal.

Let’s delve into what going on a second date means and why it’s the best time to have that first kiss.

The Meaning of the Second Date

If you’re going on a second date, then congratulations! You've made it past the first date and have a promising opportunity ahead. Keep an open mind and embrace what could happen.

Most first dates go poorly or mediocrely, so going on a second date is a great sign if you’re looking to develop a relationship with someone.

While going on a second date can be exciting, it can be even more nerve-wracking.

The Second Date is a Time to Assess Compatibility More Deeply

A second date is a chance to deepen the connection you've established with someone, get to know them better, allow them to know you, and explore the potential for a relationship.

Going on a second date indicates mutual interest. If someone has agreed to see you for a second date, it's a clear sign that they at least enjoyed your company on the first date and would like to spend more time with you. It shows that you've made a positive impression on the first date, and they’re intrigued to get to know you better.

Second dates usually last longer than first dates, which are often just an hour or so. This means the second date gives a time to explore each other's personalities, interests, values, quirks, and ways of interacting with the world.

The date is an opportunity to go deeper and have more meaningful conversations about your past experiences, dreams, life goals, aspirations, anxieties, and your values and beliefs.

Opening up with someone is an essential step in building a genuine connection and figuring out if you’re compatible.

Having a kiss on the second date is one of the best ways to open up physically and evaluate compatibility.

The Second Date is a Time to Develop Intimacy

Another important aspect of the second date is building intimacy, emotionally and physically.

Emotional intimacy involves sharing your thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with one another. This helps create trust and comfort with each other, enabling you both to reveal your true self and feel seen, supported, and understood.

When you and your date feel your inner selves to be understood, cared for, and validated, then this fosters a deeper connection and create a foundation for a strong emotional bond.

In addition to emotional intimacy, the second date also provides an opportunity to explore physical intimacy. Physical intimacy comes in a variety of forms, from holding hands, to hugging, to kissing, to cuddling, to sex.

Physical intimacy is typically a natural progression in a relationship, as it expresses attraction and affection and plays a key role in interpersonal bonding.

And for many people, the first kiss marks a significant milestone in exploring and developing physical intimacy within a new relationship.

Not Kissing on a First Date Can Be Good

Some people feel worried if there’s no kiss on a first date.

But hear us out — not kissing on a first date can actually be a really good thing.

Picture this: You're wrapping up a great first date. The conversation has been flowing, the chemistry is clicking, and the evening went perfectly. As you say goodbye, you find yourself in that moment—the awkward moment of deciding whether or not to go in for a kiss. In a jolt of uncertainty and nerves, you hug goodbye and part ways.

In the vast majority of cases, there’s no need to worry. Not kissing on the first date is perfectly fine. In fact, it can even be beneficial.

While a first date kiss can be enticing and fit within a romantic narrative, there are compelling reasons why refraining from kissing on the first date can actually be a good idea.

Holding off and saving that first kiss for the second date can lead to a more fulfilling dating experience and a more meaningful connection.

Refraining from kissing on the first date can help establish a foundation of emotional connection and cultivate a feeling of closeness that doesn’t need to rely on physical acts.

By not rushing to kiss on the first date, you allow yourselves to see each other more clearly for your personality, values, and interests, before evaluating physical compatibility. And when you establish this level of emotional connection first, then having that first kiss is all the more special and powerful.

Holding off on a first kiss can help build anticipation and excitement, adding more mystery and intrigue to those early dates. Not kissing on the first date can create a sense of longing and desire to see each other again for the second date.

8 Reasons Why You Should Kiss on the Second Date

If you’re still unsure how many dates you should wait before a first kiss, consider these reasons why a kiss on the second date is the best move.

1. You’re both more relaxed on the second date

First dates can often feel like an audition, with both people trying to make a good impression on the other. Dating anxiety is common and shines loudly on first dates.

On first dates, there’s often a sense of pressure and nervousness that can make it more difficult to be organically expressive and have a natural flow of intimacy.

On the other hand, the second date is typically more relaxed and comfortable. By this point, you've already established some rapport and have a decent sense of each other's personalities and interests. There's often less pressure to impress, and you can focus more on genuinely enjoying each other's company.

The best first kisses happen organically and when both people are feeling relaxed and fully comfortable. The second date is more conducive to this vibe.

2. Waiting to kiss on the second date creates anticipation

Another reason why the second date is ideal for a first kiss is that it allows you and your date to wonder about what your first kiss will be like after the first date. This anticipation, build-up, and growing attraction makes for a more romantic and exciting situation come the second date.

The more eagerly you anticipate something exciting, the better it feels when you then get to experience that thing. Let your first kiss be a craved experience.

3. Let your first kiss build on an existing connection

A first date is about testing the waters and getting to know each other, forming that initial connection. A kiss on the second date can build on that connection and deepen the bond you’ve already started forming with your date.

When you kiss on the second date, that kiss can go so much further than it would have on the first date. It can create a sense of intimacy and closeness that can further ignite the budding spark between you and your date.

4. A second date kiss expresses clear interest and intent

Initiating a first kiss is a clear way to signal your interest and intent towards escalating a physical connection with your date. It shows that you're attracted to them and are open to exploring a more intimate relationship. By expressing this intent on the second date, you open the doors to deeper experiences on the dates ahead.

5. Going for a kiss on the second date shows confidence

Making the move to kiss your date demonstrates your confidence. It shows that you're willing to take risks and express your feelings and desires, which are attractive qualities when done with consent and respect.

6. A second date kiss breaks the physical barrier

Developing physical intimacy is a natural part of a budding relationship, and a kiss on the second date can be a great way to break that physical barrier at an appropriate time.

When it goes well, the first kiss creates a sense of comfort and familiarity with each other's touch, which can invite further physical intimacy as the relationship progresses. It can also open the door for more meaningful physical connection, such as handholding, cuddling, or other displays of affection.

7. Kissing on the second date helps you discover compatibility early on

The first kiss reveals important information about compatibility between you and your date. It can help you understand how well you and your date connect on a physical level. It can also give you insights into each other's preferences, boundaries, and comfort with physical touch, which can be helpful to know early on in a relationship. When you’ve kissed on the second date and it went well, you can go into the third date confident in your compatibility.

8. Kissing on the second date can help you avoid the friendzone

If you have a record of being friendzoned by romantic interests, then it’s best to go for the kiss early on in dating someone. If you wrap up the second date with no kiss, then you risk being friendzoned. Kissing on the second date can help you show your interest in a romantic relationship and make it clear to your date that you’re in this as more than a friend.

How to Have a Good Second Date Kiss

Create the right ambiance

The right place and time can enhance the mood for a good kiss. Go for your first kiss in a location that is at least somewhat private and intimate, where you can be with your date without distractions.

Take your time

Don't rush into the kiss. Allow yourself and your date to build up the tension and anticipation in the moment. Be flirty and make good eye contact. Let the chemistry and connection between you and your date build naturally and capitalize on that chemistry with a kiss.

Start with a gentle touch

When the moment feels right for the first kiss, start with a gentle touch. This can be a brush of your hand against your date’s hand, a touch on their arm, or a gentle caress of their cheek. Be attentive to their reaction and make sure they are comfortable with the physical contact before moving in for the kiss. Starting with a gentle touch can help set the tone for a romantic and passionate kiss on the second date.

Be mindful of consent and respect your date’s boundaries

Consent is crucial in any physical intimacy, including kissing. Always make sure that your date feels fully comfortable with your movements and intentions before proceeding in for the kiss. If your date shows any signs of hesitation or discomfort, respect their boundaries and back off. If signs are ambiguous, ask for verbal consent before initiating a kiss.

Be present in the moment

Being fully present in the moment will make kissing on the second date all the more enjoyable for both you and your date. Put aside any distractions and bring your full attention to the connection between you and your date. Be in tune with their cues and respond to their movements and reactions.

Be gentle and responsive

A good kiss is a mutual, responsive, and sensitive experience. Go in for the kiss gently and be responsive to your date’s body language. Pay attention to their body movements, their kissing rhythm, and their level of comfort.

Savor the moment after the kiss

Once you both pull back from the kiss, savor that moment. Make good eye contact with your date and enjoy the moment with them. If it feels natural, smile at them and initiate more light physical touch, like a hug or lightly touching their face or hair.

The Risk of Not Kissing on the Second Date

Ending a second date without a first kiss may send mixed signals or create uncertainty about the direction of the relationship. Your date may interpret the lack of kiss sign that you’re not interested in them or as a sign that you're not ready for a more intimate connection. This can lead to confusion and miscommunication.

Not kissing on the second date can kill the momentum you and your date have built up together. Romantic relationships require nurturing and momentum to grow. If you don't kiss on a second date, it may slow down the relationship and cause your date to become less interest or excited.

In those first few dates, it's important to develop attraction and connection quickly, and a lack of any physical intimacy like kissing can damage that process.

A first kiss is a powerful way to deepen the emotional intimacy between you and your date. It can create a sense of closeness, trust, and vulnerability between partners. Without kissing by the time the second date ends, you miss out on a ripe opportunity to establish emotional intimacy.

How to use dating apps to land more dates

Hopefully these tips give some insights on why kissing on the second date is the best time to share that first kiss.

If you’re on dating apps and want to improve your dating profile so you land more dates, we have you covered.

We at The Match Lab offer professional services to create dating profiles that attract high-quality matches.

If you’d like to find out which are your most attractive photos to use in your dating profile, give our dating photo analyzer a try. Just upload some photos of yourself, and our algorithm will reveal which photos you should be using in your profile and the ideal order they should go in.

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